Section: Misc → Lessons
Importance: Helpful tips for men
Make the Most of Your Strip Club Experience.
Excerpted from: "How Freaky You Get for a Quarter, Bitch!"

If you ever want to explain economics to a guy, take him to a strip club. He'll understand the value of a dollar, and he'll get some jiggly puffsin his face. If you're trying to get the most out of your strip club dollar I've put together some helpful tips, so you'll never have to scream, "How freaky you get for a quarter, Bitch!"

Go on an off night
Just like flying, you don't want to go to Boobville during peak hours. Stay away from Friday and Saturday nights because the place is packed with horny dudes. Not only won't you find a free girl, all the girls will be demanding top dollar. If you won't pony up the dough there's a tour group of thrill seekers who have a pony fantasy that they're willing to pay for. Go on a Thursday night. The jiggly puffsaren't as crappy as a Monday night, but the club isn't as crowded as the weekend. Many places will even give a discount if you get there before peak times.

Not all strip clubs are created equal
Do your homework before you go. My favorite site for doing homework is The Ultimate Strip Club List. Ask clubs about private rooms, or special shows. I'd much rather have a private dance in my own room, than stuck at the rail with a dude whacking it under the bar.

Not all towns are created equal
In California strip club laws change from town to town. You can get a private room dance in San Francisco, but not in San Jose. If you want to get liquored up at your favorite titty bar, you may have to cross state lines. But be warned, if you're liquored up, so are the rest of the dudes. This means more arguments, more fights, more trouble. Liquor + Pussy + Dudes = ASSHOLE!

Know your limits
Whether you're at an auction, a casino, or a strip club, know how much money you can afford to throw down a rat hole. You have to know your limit and how much you're willing to spend. Bring only cash and leave the plastic at home. There'll be plenty of plastic at the club.

Stay out of the front row
If you're sitting in the front row you have to tip. If you don't tip you could get a heel in the face or get tossed out on your ass! The second row is just as good, and it doesn't matter how much you tip, you're still not getting jiggly puffsin your face.

Be gentle with the fake jiggly puffs
Unlike the real ones, those things are breakable. If you pay to grab, just be careful.

It's about quality, not quantity
Depending on what kind of pervert you are, one dance a night may be enough for you. You might want to go to a cheaper club that you know has at least one hot box working if you're looking for a good deal. Why surround yourself with tons of hot jiggly puffswhen you're only going to be sampling two.

Avoid the Bad After Effects:
If you're seeing someone, try to avoid all the fallout of the post strip club experience. Here's the short list of all the crap she could catch you with.
Glitter on your face
There was a time when every stripper covered herself with glitter. If you're rubbing your face in her jiggly puffs, it'll get all over you. This is especially bad if you like to go at lunch to unwind, and then show back up to work with glitter face.

Smelling like a stripper
No one has yet been able to explain to me why all strippers smell the same. They've got some disinfectant spray pump in the back that every stripper sprays herself with. Just be sure to take a shower when you get home.

Losing your wallet
If you carry your wallet in your front pocket like I do, most strippers will ask you to take it out before they start a dance. Just remember to collect it before you leave, or you'll be wandering from booth to booth wondering who's getting jiggly puffsin the face on your dollar.

I hope this has helped. If you'd like more tips/information, check out The Ultimate Strip Club List.