Section: Misc → Lessons
Importance: Helpful tips for men

How tragIK R U?

Not in the face, not in the face

Hey, we all want to have anonymous relationships with hot-piece-of-ass strangers on the Internet. There's a ton of those "rate me" web sites where you can meat people online, but who has the time to write all those greetings, making all those random cApiTaLizaTions in your personal bio, so you can be hip? And you can waste an entire afternoon trying to come up with a screen name. So once again the UNDERGROUND is here to help you out, getting your profile up faster so you can start stalking sooner.
Below we'll discuss the popular female stereotypes you'll find online and how to customize your bio and picture to help capture their interest.

The groups are:

1. The Goth
2. The Punk
3. The Bitch

For each section we'll generate a screen name based on your real name and give you a sample bio. If you want to type in your own bio, just type it into any of the bio boxes, and hit the "funkify" button again to replace it with random capitals and buzzwords.

So let's start with your real name
First Name Last Name

Your New Goth Name
Your New Goth Picture
The Goth
If your ideal mate is a whiny ass, face painter, who has nothing better to do than ram steel rods through her cooter, then look no further than the goth crowd. Goths are usually middle class kids who are angry about being privileged. Why? Cuz Mommy hires someone to play with her while Daddy's off banging the pool boy! So Goth chicks get out their angst by shaving off their eyebrows and carving Morissey lyrics into their arm.
Hint: The key to your Goth picture is a lot of eyeliner and over exposing your photo.

Why go Goth: Goth chicks feel alienated and alone. Cuz they are. This means the competition is low from other dudes, and their defenses are real low. Plus they're pissed at their dad, and the best revenge is for her to be with some dude that's more messed up than she is.

Plusses 4U: The freakier the better. There are few pretty boys in the Goth world.
Minuses 4U: You'll spend your whole allowance on Mary Kay and fishnets. And your peer group is now a bunch of people writing tortured poetry about how meaningless their lives are. For instance:

Goth Bio

Your New Punk Name
Your New Punk Picture
The Punk
If anyone is poorer than the Goth crowd it's the punks. They're less gloom and doom than the goths and more just pissed about everything. Make your picture angry and pissed off at the world. Make sure to grunge it up a bit, even if you have a quality camera you'll want it to look like it was taken with something glued to your monitor.

Plusses 4U: Grooming is not necessary. The messier and the more flannel the better. No more nice suits and showering to impress the broads.
Minuses 4U: You have to be/hang with skaters. The music ain't so bad, but the constant flaring nut sack because you mistimed your nose grind down at the library is a bit of a hassle.

Punk Bio
Your New Bitch Name
Your New Bitch Picture
The Bitch
The only thing hot chicks dig more than an aloof, distant, uninterested guy, is a good looking aloof, distant, uninterested guy. Go out and grab a pic of some half decent guy and write something pretentious, chock full of crap and the chicks'll be all over you.

Pluses 4U: Women are bitches because they can be. A hot piece of online box will treat you like crap, but at least she'll be hot.
Minuses 4U: When you actually meat the other person, and they realize the only six pack you have is a 6er of Mickey's Big Mouth, the relationship'll be over. So either bring lots of cash or dress in layers.

Bitch Bio

Now that you have your new persona, go out and post it on a ratings site.
Here's a brief list of a few that are out there. I'm sure there's a dozen more that I can't remember.