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Breasts |
Saying you like breasts on a woman is like saying
the Beatles is your favorite band. Everybody loves breasts and
you won't be labeled too big of a perv for liking these. Just
remember the proper answer for your girlfriend is, "I'd rather
have a nice pair of smaller real one with a good shape, than
two giant bowling balls smakin' me in the face." Mmmm breasts
in the face. Mmmmmmmmm. |
Women get pissed when they hear you're a breast
man. The reason is, there is nothing short of surgery you can
do to make them bigger. You want a bigger ass, stick a head
of lettuce in there. Sit on your ass and eat bon bons all day.
Great! You got a big ass! Ass man couldn't be happier. But going
under the knife is the only way you'll get bigger jugs and it
pisses women off. |
Asses
|
The good side of the ass man is he'll go after
total pigs. Because the ass man gets so blinded by the big ass
he puts the breast man to shame in his love for his fetish.
|
Ass men are dirty untrustworthy mother fuckers. Unless you
come from Latin heritage, an ass man is all about dominance
and ramming it in uncomfortable places. If you're his buddy,
you may want to avoid dropping the soap in the shower. If your
ass man friend is near, even though the ass man pretends to
be super macho, he may just give you the high hard one just
to prove he's king bee. If he could muster up the goods, he'd
shit on your face to prove he's more dominant than you. |
Legs / Feet |
If you're this guy congratulations. You can get
your rocks off any time of the day. You can get worked up over
a coworker with a short skirt, or just looking at a shoe add.
When do I get breasts in the face at work? It's totally unfair. |
I know both groups are gonna be pissed that I
lumped them into the same creepy fetish pile, but they're really
the same kind of guy. The problem with this bunch is they're
all into perfection. The Ass and Tit men just want it big and
in their face. The Leg and Feet guys will circle a woman with
a laser pointer finding all the odd toe nails and improperly
carved thighs. They're more like poultry inspectors than men
looking for snatch. Either way these dudes are freaky. |
Eyes |
If you're this guy, most women aren't on to your game yet.
But you've got to use this line while they're young, because
once they've heard the "I like eyes cuz they're the windows
of the soul," speech from the guy who turned out to be...
- The Saddle Wearer
- The "Dress Like My Mommy" Guy
- The "Right before I cum, choke me" Guy
They'll be on to you, and won't stick around for the other high heeled Donald
Duck pump to drop. |
This is the sickest fuck yet. Cuz he really isn't
into eyes, he's really into anuses or clavicles or something
that is so sick even he knows it's totally wrong and he just
can't bear to tell you. He tells his dates eyes because that
makes him sound sweet and sincere. This is the kind of guy who
caries his own speculum and sigmoidascope on dates. |
