Section: Misc
Importance: How important is a monster wang?

Bagging the Monster

Three women talk about having sex with a big penis

Editor's Note: When I started this, I thought it was going to be a lot of, "It was too big. It hurt like hell. I thought it was going to rip me in half." But sadly, that just wasn't the case. So unless you're having a really high self esteem day, you might want to skip this one. But there's a nice moral to the story at the very end.

Case Study #1

The red bull penis isn't as big as the Coke can,
but it will keep you up all night.

Rackula and the Coke Can Penis

Let's talk about the guy you dated that you called, "Coke Can Penis." Is the Coke Can Penis long, or is it just fat?
It's all good. Girth and depth.

The first time you see the Coke Can Penis are you excited by it, or is it a little scary?
I have to say my heart skipped a beat.... and I got instantly aroused. It was a combination of, "This is going to be a challenge" and, "like nothing I've ever experienced before" and "Is it going to be great or just uncomfortable?" I decided that it would take a porn-like performance to satisfy a cock of this caliber.

Does the Coke Can limit you in the kind of positions you can do?
Oh, you definitely get creative and learn to appreciate the "top" position so you can control the depth of penetration.

Does it take longer for the Coke Can to get hard because it requires so much extra blood?
No. It's just all that blood is leaving the head on his shoulders. IQ probably drops to about 10.

What are the negatives to the Coke Can Penis?
Are you serious?

Is it tough to go from the Coke Can Penis to a regular penis?
Unbelievably so. But, at the same time, you don't expect anyone else to compare, and you almost don't want them to. Coke will always make me smile and I wouldn't want another experience to take that away.

Do you miss the CCP?
I don't miss the penis so much as the unexplainably and incomparably strong attraction I felt when I was around him. It was indescribable.

Would you recommend the Coke Can Penis to your friends?
I would recommend a Coke and a smile any day.

Case Study #2

It can get into all those hard to reach places.

Stacey and the Monster

How big of a big penis are we talking about?
Well, we're not talking horse or anything. Without giving dimensions... let's just say it was MUCH larger than the average, run of the mill penis.

Is it just long or is it wide too?
It was both long and wide.

The first time you see the big penis are you excited by it, or is it a little scary?
I must stress to you that I was very inexperienced when I became involved with the man with the monster wang. I did notice his member through his pants before we were intimate, but I had never had sex before... I was a virgin. We fooled around a lot [before we had sex]. And I did give him blow jobs. Performing [mouth love]... on him was different than it was on others. I did notice it was more difficult to fit everything in my mouth. That being said, I was naive to the fact that his wang was larger than average.

Did the monster make him more attractive?
I was attracted to him for other reasons. Certainly there was a chemistry there, but I wasn't looking to date him because of the penis. Now once we started having sex, I did notice that it sort of felt weird. Given it was my first crack at this, I was concerned that perhaps something was wrong with me. So I consulted a female friend who had much more experience with these matters and she wanted details. So when I provided her with the nitty gritty she, and I'm not exaggerating, gasped and said that he was big. So big in fact that she probably wouldn't have had sex with him. She said she'd met a guy once and they were getting busy and when she saw his wang she told him it was a no go. Too big and she new it wouldn't be any good...because it would hurt too much getting the damn thing in.

Is it tough to go from the Big Penis to a regular penis?
No, actually. Guys seem to think that the penis is the end all be all for women, but it's really more about the other things that go on during sex.

What "other things" are we talking about?
Oral sex. And touching other body parts, breasts, butt. It's also very erotic to pleasure your partner. I'm a visual person so I also find watching masturbation a turn on. And being watched can be good too. Also, one should not underestimate the hands and fingers. Sometimes the penis, no matter how big, just can't get in the right places, but a finger is much more "flexible".

Does the Big Penis limit you in the kind of positions you can do?
NOT AT ALL!!! In fact, you might be able to do more. An extra couple of inches can go a long way.

Does it take longer for the Big Penis to get hard because it requires so much extra blood?

What are the negatives to the Big Penis?
It would have to be that it can be seen through clothes. It was always a little embarrassing when the outline of his flaccid penis was visible through his pants. It was really bad with jeans. I used to buy him pleated pants so they were a little baggy in front.

In summary, would you recommend the Big Penis to your friends?
I would make the large penis recommendation, but only if the guy wielding it also had other talents in the bedroom. The 'monster wang' needs to ease itself into the situation.

Case Study #3

Don't make it angry.
You don't want to see it when it's angry.

Lisa and the Trouser Snake

How big is big?
The biggest was at least 9" long, not sure on girth.

Do you know it's going to be big before you pull off his pants?

Well, I've been with 2 severely large ones. The first one I heard rumor. But I was really inexperienced so there was no thrill, no attraction. I just knew, "Oh this one has a big one." And I was interested in him as a guy anyway. So when it happened, it was just more than I ever could have thought of. I could have never pictured one that big.

Was it good? Was it painful?

It was nice. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was the first time I had ever had an orgasm just from intercourse.

Does it limit you in any ways?
It does. With doggie [style] there's no full penetration. I found that it poked my bladder.

When you see the big penis for the first time, is it exciting? is it terrifying?
It's all of that. The good thing was that all of them [the penises] were handsome. So at least it wasn't big and oddly shaped or had a weird color. It wasn't a monstrous thing, it was just more of a very nice thing. I was a little intimidated on my part, thinking about oral sex and how big this damn thing is. And thinking about how much men like full penetration and how it was going to take some working up to. And because I am a small framed girl it's always a quick flash of concern.

What broke you two up?
He's just too analytical as a person. We couldn't pass a kindergarten class of artwork without him saying, "This is trash. Aren't these kids unique? They all did the same picture." He just wasn't laid back or comical enough for me.

Is it hard going from big penis to regular penis?
Yeah, yeah. A little bit. But I actually have a lot of run ins with teenie weenies. It's not so much a problem of length but of girth. Most of the guys I meet are just little jack rabbit humpers.

If a guy doesn't have the big penis, what should he be doing.
Lots of foreplay. There are positions that give you the maximize penetration. You can always incorporate toys.

Editor's Note: So I guess the moral of the story is, it's nice to have a huge package, but it's not that important. Nobody was attracted to these guys because of the penis, and nobody stayed because of it. Everyone in this study is now with someone with an average wang. And maybe they miss the pants python, but they don't miss all the crap that went with it. So it sort of has a happy ending. Now I'm off to punch my penis until it swells.