Section: Misc
Importance: You can be famous too, if you're lucky.

The Luckiest people ever.

Every once in awhile someone gets famous who's light on talent, and was just at the right place at the right time. Here are my candidates for the luckiest people ever.

If you have any more nominations, send an email to

#3 Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Elisabeth is a right wing nut job, that enjoys shooting her mouth off on the vag-gab-fest, "The View." The fact that she didn't die as a contestant on Survivor apparently means she's qualified to shout out such quality philosophies as "Even looking at another person is cheating," on national television.

#2 Bernie Taupin

The reason Elton John is famous is because of Elton John. Bernie got lucky when he teamed up with Elton, to pen such classic lyrics as "Oh Lawdy mama those Friday nights /
when Suzie wore her dresses tight / and the Crocodile Rocking was out of sight," and "Hey kids, shake it loose together / The spotlight's hitting something / That's been known to change the weather / We'll kill the fatted calf tonight." And for those of you that think I'm being unfair because you can quote "Rocket Man," remind Bernie to sign over some of that money to Ray Bradbury's family. That "Martian Chronicles," money only goes so far.

#1 Ringo Starr

I'm not a great drummer, but neither is Ringo. Ringo replaced an equally mediocre drummer, Pete Best to join the most influential Rock and Roll band of all time. His only memorable contribution to the band was his equally unoffensive vocals on "Octopusses Garden." Not only can Ringo afford to wipe his ass with Ferraris, he spun that fortune into marrying the hottest Bond girl ever, Barbara Bach.


Honorable Mention
I couldn't be super harsh on these lucky bastards without admitting to my own luck. I won the Howard Stern song parody contest in 2000 with just a tambourine and a goofy idea. Most of the finalists were there as a goof, so Howard could see what kind of sick, racist freaks would write songs like this. Since then, Howard has chosen to celebrate people with actual talent in his later contests, rather than turning it into a goof fest. My success can no where near rival the others I've featured here, but I thought it was worth a mention.