Section: Misc → Lessons
Importance: Helpful tips for men
How to build a Fifi

Edited by Alan, taken from the Howard Stern Show, as told by Scott Wieland
Men, for those of you who did not hear Scott Wieland from STP on the Howard Stern show, you missed some of the most valuable mastabatory information of your lives. Scott described how to make a Fifi. He learned how to do this in prison.
1. Take a hand towel. (The hand towel is the one in between the face cloth and the Bath towel.)
2. Lay it out flat
3. Take a rubber glove and put it at one end of the towel with the opening of the glove facing you, and hanging out of the towel about 0.5 inches.
4. Roll the rubber glove up in the towel loosely. Start at the left and work right.
5. Then take the rolled up towel and jam it into a sock.
Top View Looking at the mouth of the beast.
6. Squirt lotion into the glove opening.
7. Fuck the glove.
Editors Tip:
  • When I originally heard to use a rubber glove, I thought Scott meant to use a dishwashing glove. I instead used a rubber surgical glove, and had good results. You can buy these in bulk from Home Depot.

  • For lotion I used some Victoria's Secret Vanilla. It's good quality and it smells nice. You don't want your fuck sock to smell like the Jergens your mom used.

  • As for the sock you need to use a big one. The idea of the sock is to hold the glove in the towel, but not too tightly. If you have a mighty wang like I do, you'll find it tough to jam it in there if the sock is too tight. If you're having difficulty getting your manhood in the glove you can try a couple of things. Either apply the lotion right to your schlong, or try screwing the sock on to your cock. This turns out to be a nice sensation as well. Something that neither your hand or your woman can do.

  • Make sure the rubber glove that is sticking out is pulled around the penis. You don't want the extra flap getting in the way.

  • This is the best simulated vagina I've ever had. The nice thing is it's cheap and clean. When you're done with the glove you just throw it away.

  • For you single guys you can have a bunch of Fifis loaded up and ready to go.

  • I'm looking forward to hearing other peoples experience with the Fifi. Let me know if you have any comments of questions about the best handjob you'll ever give yourself.

Viewers Alternatives:

H.J. OX says: "For your information, there is a much better way to build a fifi, and this comes from a friend who spent time in prison. he was lucky enough to get a job in the kitchen. he told me the same method you explained, but instead of the rubber glove, he used raw liver, sliced thin. i think some sort of hand lotion (jergins) was his recommended lube, spread it all over the liver, then pummel yourself with the contraption. he claims it was exactly like a real coochy. the downside is that it's more expensive than the glove, unless you eat it. I did not ask whether he served the used liver to his fellow inmates, but if so i guess it's even more cost-effective than the glove."

Silver Fox claims: "That the sock you wore all day is best -- by itself -- because it's all damp and wet."

Tough call which is more disgusting.